Supernatural fangirl and addict.

I love my show and the boys. I'm a Sam!gal who adores Dean.

I love making stuff - vids, pic-spams, gifs and I love chatting about my show.

This is a 90% Supernatural blog. There will mostly Sam and SamnDean and J2 posts on this tumblr, Also, occasional rants. Other posts will appear as the fancy takes me (or be whatever show I am currently adoring).

I'm Ash48 on Live Journal and Ash4897 on You Tube.


Anonymous asked
Dean does nothing but beat himself up over EVERYTHING, he constantly suffers, did you not get that he feels like 99% crap or that he feels like poison despite all he ever tries to do is save people and keep the last of his family alive. Sam laid into him in the Purge with all that BS about him not wiling to get hurt and doing more harm than good, I guess Dean commiting suicide is the only thing that will satisfy Sam fans like you.







Because that’s really the only reason I can think of that you showed up here.

But, should you be more interested in actual discourse, let’s break this down point-by-point

1. Dean does nothing but beat himself up over EVERYTHING

Right. So when he tells Aaron “When we need the right, we’ll take it,” he’s beating himself up over it?

When he says “I did what I had to do,” he’s beating himself up over it?

When he blames Sam for everything since Season 4, not once but twice, he’s beating himself up?

When he blames Sam for being soulless, he’s beating himself up?

When he spends all of Season 8 wearing Sam down to the point that Sam would rather die than let Dean down again, Dean was beating himself up?

When Sam was hallucinating, he was beating himself up?

When he walked out on Sam being tortured by Crowley and told Cas to distract him, when he forgot that Cas needed consent to enter Sam, he was beating himself up?

When he was drowning himself in alcohol instead of helping Sam hunt, he was beating himself up?

When he tells Sam “after everything I’ve done for this family, I’m entitled” in S3, he’s beating himself up?

When he says “What I do, I do because it’s the right thing.”

Funny, seems to me like he spends more time beating Sam up.

2.  he constantly suffers

… Sure, Anon. He suffers. He’s the only one. Ever.

He suffers so much that he takes on a demonic mark from the father of murder and then shuts Cain down before he can explain the side effects.

He suffers when he ignores Sam and carts the Blade around, falling under its thrall, instead of letting Sam help him, Sam who pleaded with him, and never once called him a monster, or told him he was weak.

He suffers when he spends 5000+ years in the worst part of Hell, when he hallucinates the monster who tortured and raped him, he suffers when his body is used to murder his friend without his consent, he suffers when he has nightmares about it every night - oh wait. That was Sam.

But Dean’s the one constantly suffering, right?

Anon, I agree with you that Dean suffers. He went to Hell, he suffers from alcoholism, he’s lost his friends, lost his life, been injured more times than anyone can count.

But his suffering does not absolve him of the hurt he’s visited upon others. His suffering does not absolve him of the violation he put Sam through.

3. did you not get that he feels like 99% crap or that he feels like poison

I do remember Dean saying he felt like poison, yes.

I also remember he said that after Sam had been tortured and possessed by Gadreel and Crowley. He said that and walked away, never once apologising to Sam, never once checking to see if Sam needed anything from him, never once acknowledging Sam’s feelings in any way.

He walked away and took the Impala, which was just as much Sam’s home as his, which had the best of their weapons and research and memories.

I get that he feel like crap. I get that he feels like poison.

You know who else feels dirty, feels tainted and unworthy?


You know who lashes out and hurts other people because he can’t face himself?

Not Sam.

Do you see where I’m going with this, Anon? I understand that Dean hurts in response to the tragedy pervading his life. That does not give him the right to walk all over other people, to violate their agency and impose his will over them.

4. all he ever tries to do is save people

This is clearly why Sam had to remind him about Jody still being in danger.

This is clearly why Jody yelled at him when he said “This is not a rescue mission, this is a raid.”

This is clearly why he wiped Lisa and Ben’s memories without removing his actual presence from their lives.

This is clearly why he no longer cares about the vessels of demonic possession and goes straight to killing them.

This is why he took on the murder stamp, and repeatedly says “All that matters is killing Abaddon.”

Or “last I checked, we were in the business of killing monsters

Those are really funny ways of spelling “All I try to do is save people,” don’t you think? I mean, I’m from India and I spell things differently, but I think that’s pushing the envelope.

Priorities matter, Anon. And Dean’s are not about saving people.

5. Sam laid into him in the Purge with all that BS about him not wiling to get hurt and doing more harm than good

SAM: I mean, Kevin’s dead, Crowley’s in the wind. We’re no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive?

DEAN: You kidding me? You and me — fighting the good fight together.

Let me distill this down for you, Anon, with the words of @sillierthanasillylaugh:

Sam: Why am I here?

Dean: So you can play with me.

As they point out, this is the way a 7 yr old talks about their imaginary friend.

Gadreel’s possession of Sam cost them Kevin, cost them the angel tablet, which gave Metatron an enormous power boost, cost them Crowley. It further eroded Sam’s confidence in his own sanity - how do you trust Stone Number One, when Stone Number One lies?

And the end? Which fans seem to hate Sam for?

SAM: Same circumstances…I wouldn’t.

Sam is not saying he wouldn’t save Dean. He’s saying he wouldn’t save him the same way. He wouldn’t have tricked his brother into consenting to an angel if Dean had been possessed by a demon and Lucifer before, forced to kill his friends and family by the creatures possessing him. He wouldn’t have lied to Dean over and over again about why he was losing time and what was really going on inside his body, not if Dean had a history of severe mental illness, of not being sure of reality, of not knowing what his body did without his permission.

If Dean had gone through all that, Sam wouldn’t put Dean through it again.

Dean would.

DEAN: No way.

EZEKIEL: Understood. It’s your call.

DEAN: No, it’s Sam’s call. There’s no way in hell he’d say yes to being possessed by anything.

EZEKIEL: He would rather die.

DEAN: Then we keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam’s well enough that he doesn’t need an angelic pacemaker or I find a way to tell him. I - I… As for him being in a hospital, I’ll have to figure something out.

EZEKIEL: I can erase it all, if you like. He will not remember any of this.

So tell me, Anon, how is a few lines from Sam ‘laying into Dean’ after months of what Dean did and allowed to happen to Sam? How is his perspective bullshit?

6. I guess Dean commiting suicide is the only thing that will satisfy Sam fans like you.

I… am not entirely sure where you’re getting this idea, Anon. If I have contributed to the idea that Sam fans want Dean to commit suicide, I apologise, because I don’t want that. As I have said repeatedly, I want him to face the consequences of his actions.

Dean’s suicide does not help anyone. Dean apologising and learning from his mistakes to become a better person and a better brother does.

I’ve said my piece for now. The full depth of my feelings and perspectives can be found on my blog if you are interested.

I hope you have a good day, Anon, and a pleasurable Tumblr experience.


I am over here just like


Well done, Avani.


Nobody will ever be able to convince me that Dean didn’t get killed by the bra on at least one Tuesday. (gifs)

S10 Spoilers! Thinky and thoughts

Lots of interesting (and maybe worrying?) spoilers around for Supernatural S10 at the moment.

Newsletter #42 (July 2014)